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There is so much misinformation out there on what it takes to be a great girlfriend. Understanding how men think and what they need in a relationship makes an enormous difference in the way you are able to relate to one another. The top prerequisite for being in a great relationship is to be your best self.
A trap that many people in relationships fall into is blaming their partner when problems arise. Rather than seeing what they can do to make things better, they blame him for not being what they want and think that if only he did XYZ, then everything would be fine.
All you can do is bring your best. When you do this, the other person will usually rise up and match you at this level. The man, in turn, gets frustrated that nothing he does seems to be good enough. Eventually he gets discouraged and stops trying and she feels even more resentful. Men do not pick up on nuances and subtleties in the same way women do, they need things spelled out in a clear and direct manner. If you tell a guy something he is doing that is upsetting or hurting you in a loving, compassionate way, I guarantee he will try to fix it. Freud is regarded as one of the most brilliant minds in psychology and even he had no idea what women want, so how do you expect the average guy to do it?
Most arguments in relationships stem from deeper underlying issues that never get discussed or resolved. From there a big fight may ensue over something trivial while the real issue goes untouched. The problem is that we usually love others the way we like to feel love.
Women typically feel loved when a man is being giving and attentive to her and her needs. What a man deeply desires is feeling acknowledged and appreciated for what he provides. He wants to feel like his efforts were a success—this applies to everything he does from taking you out for a fancy dinner to taking out the trash.
If he takes you out on a nice date, acknowledge and appreciate him for it and tell him you had an amazing time. Men are typically more responsive to compliments about something they have done rather than who they are.
When a woman really sees and appreciates her man, it makes him feel like the ultimate winner and he will do anything to keep her happy. Another important relationship skill is to try and see the intention behind an action, and appreciate that. I have a personal example for this. Years ago I was dating a guy and one night he called and asked if he could come over. Where could he be? Why is he even bothering to come over this late? Why do I have to wait up for him when I just need sleep! He finally showed up carrying something that smelled delicious.
The mistake I made was in looking at the action him being laterather than the intention him wanting to do something nice to me happy. Another major difference between men and woman is in the way they handle stress and difficulties. While women typically seek out their friends and want to to talk about it, men would rather retreat into the proverbial man cave and deal with it on their own. If your boyfriend seems stressed and begins to withdraw, just let him be. If he wants to talk about it with you, he will.
They get into a relationship and the guy becomes the sole center of their universe. This is never healthy!
For one thing, it kind of puts your relationship in a holding pattern and creates a scenario where you can be dating for years and years without taking the next step. Another reason not maintaining your own life outside of the relationship is problematic is you may end up staying in a bad relationship for far longer than you should have because, well, you have nothing else to go back to anything.
Men typically fall in love with a woman in her absence, not her presence.
It gives you a break from the emotional intoxication of relationships so you can see things more objectively and it takes some pressure off the relationship so it can unfold more organically. It will keep the passion and lust alive in your relationship and also, it feels really good to a man when a woman puts in effort to look good for him.
The whole thing is so backwards. A guy friend once lamented to me that his girlfriend had put on about 15 pounds since they started dating and canceled her gym membership. This is another tip that will enormously help your relationship, but also your life in general.
Men cannot resist a woman with a smile. In fact, every guy I know has said a positive attitude is the one most attractive quality a woman can have. This kind of energy is infectious, it draws people toward you, and it makes you the kind of woman he wants to be with forever.
When your guy comes home, greet him with a smile…and then vent if you had a rough day and need to let it out.
Try to see the good in all situations, both in your relationship and outside of it. The things that happen in our lives, for the most part, are neutral, what makes them good or bad is our perception and the thoughts we attach to that event.
This post originally appeared at A New Mode. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about. I would definitely recommend this book to any women who may be having issues within a relationship or with the men in their life in general. You may unsubscribe at any time.
By Sabrina Alexis Updated October 28, More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! See you Friday. Follow Thought Catalog.He needs a girl friend
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How to be a Good Girlfriend in 30 Ways